it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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