Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
