I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
