I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
