Redeem this text for a blowjob
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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