I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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