i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize