Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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