Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
