Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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