I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
