When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
