I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
