And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
