I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
