Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
