Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
