i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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