Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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