is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
