he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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