i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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