If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
