he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
