i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
