But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
