the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My life is pants optional.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
