On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
