Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
