elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
3pm strippers are depressing
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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