I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
