forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
