I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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