I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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