So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
