Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
