My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Is Oprah even human
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
