please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
