ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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