I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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