when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
