I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
