I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
