I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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