Swine flu. Run for my life!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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