Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize