I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
