She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
