This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
