Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
