is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
