You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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