have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
