my phone needs a breathalizer
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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