He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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