i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
