i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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