Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
