Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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