I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
