Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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