Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
