I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
