got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
