I look better un-naked...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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