At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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