We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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