it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As shirtless as possible
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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