I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize