youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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