I think I am morally bankrupt
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
