never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
